How I Found Freedom By Accepting 2020’s Challenges

This year, well, sucked. But this is what 2020 taught me.

This year.

This f*cking year.

It’s been exhausting, excruciating, numbing, debilitating, even. It took everything we thought we could count on and turned it on its head. We might not even know which way the earth is spinning any longer. We might not even have any sense of purpose — or even — any sense of identity.

It had shocked us into compliance. It’s bred more fear that we ever thought possible.

It’s a big, ugly, collective trauma. It’s not fair, much of it makes absolutely no sense at all. It’s isolating. It’s SCARY. It hurts. It just, well, hurts.

And yet — we go on. We march forward. We have to. There is no other choice.

We have no idea what the future holds — and perhaps, the future simply holds more uncertainty. We could see the complete downfall of our society. We could just be beginning a process that could take years — or even decades.

Now more than ever this year — I feel spun in a desolate washing machine filled with swamp water, stuck on a cycle marked despair — and I am vexed at how I even got here in the first place.

I thought I was doing everything right, I thought I knew EXACTLY where I was going.

But I am as lost as I ever was, and though I try to keep my feet on the ground — I am in the spin cycle. I am in it deep.

The thing is — life doesn’t owe us clarity. Life doesn’t owe us happiness, or joy, or even fairness. That’s a tough pill to swallow — we aren’t entitled to a damn thing. If only there were some kind of certainty.

But the raw truth is — there isn’t any certainty, and there never was. And instead of fearing that, maybe, just maybe — we can find freedom in it. The beauty of life — fleeting, indescribable, translucent. As Cat Stevens sings, “We only dance on this earth for a short while.”

What a delightful opportunity — to be able to exist, to love, to create — even in the darkest times. Even the suffering, is beautiful in its own way.

We might choose to forgive ourselves for our situation — the situation of being alive, of suffering, of being human. Some of it is due to our own choices — and some is due to chance. And much of it is just the way life is. I believe our soul’s choose some of our lessons here in order to learn — but that’s another story altogether.

We are in the midst of a big opportunity — an opportunity to let go. Let go of expectations. Let go of who we think we are or what we think we should be doing. Let go — even — of everything we thought the world was. Its challenging — sure — but death is the only way we can grow. It’s the only way we can become who we are meant to be — and to keep becoming, and becoming, and becoming.

The world is changing in a massive way, and it is long overdue. And after the tumult, after the challenges and the pain and the confusion, we can, and we must find gratitude, find ways to rebuild, and find ways to love. Perhaps new and more beautiful doors will open for all us.

Perhaps we will ALL lead the way.