I have heard a lot of people complain about relationships lately, with lots of blame about men and women thrown in for good measure. The blame is likely because the relationships aren’t able to heal their childhood wounds.

Lots of people go about relationship subconsciously looking for someone to validate them, looking for the approval they didn’t get from their parents.

Lo and behold, many of us attract partners who do the same things to us our parents did — OR we subtly get them to treat us the same way. When we aren’t healed, we look for love from outside of us — and even if that love or lover is healthy, we won’t be able to accept it — we will sabotage the relationship in some way.

Coming from a place of self-love is different. When we come from a place of loving ourselves, that love naturally emanates from our hearts to others’ hearts.

Instead of looking at what we can “get” from someone — validation, approval, acceptance, we look at what we can give.

If you’re struggling in relationships, take a good look at yourself. Are you going into with a needy mentality, which often bleeds into an entitlement mentality? Or are you thinking about what you can give, what you can share with someone? We also need to look at what potential partners are looking for — what do men want? What do women want? What is healthy communication and do I know how to do it? It’s not the same things your ego needs to validate itself.

And it’s not that we should change ourselves — but we have to go beyond ourselves to be able to connect with another person.

Going into any relationship — romantic, work, or personal thinking about what you can give is a much more successful strategy. You automatically come from a place of strength and empowerment instead of needing the other person to fulfil you.

Its bound to be successful with the right people for you.